I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize