Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
