My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
