You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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