If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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