Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
