You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
