I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
