He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
