My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
