Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
