He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
