He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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