That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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