overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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