Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
