forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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