my phone needs a breathalizer
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
