before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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