she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
