Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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