So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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