I have demons in me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
