FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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