My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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