Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
