Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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