Its about making memories worth repressing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
