and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
