i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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