That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
