Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
