they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
