I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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