My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
