i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
