listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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