Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize