shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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