NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
