My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
