Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
