so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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