Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
