i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
third nipple confirmed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
