Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
