she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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