I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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