At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
