We won't sleep together?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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