I faked an abortion last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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