the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
