nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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