you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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