you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize