turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
