can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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