Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
