so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
