We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
