dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
