I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
